Easing the Motherload

A wise friend observes that motherhood is the only job where you wake up and go to sleep at work. She also notes that kids are cute in order to survive. She makes these reassuring noises when I drag my weary limbs into work (my other job) each morning so that I understand that the insanity that is my life, is the definition of motherhood.
So recently when my lovely man mentioned that he would like to take a quick trip to England to help his Mom celebrate her 85th birthday I suggested that Lil would love to join him. And so they flew off to England last Friday, leaving Grace and I with nothing to do but find a party of our own. I moped for the first hour while Grace ate a box of timbits and then I resolved to enjoy our time almost alone by planning a little journey of our own to the wild side. Recipe follows:

1) we're bell training small-but-bitey puppy. Now I know that sounds like work but she is so full of the devil that I can't help but laugh when she's around. Every time she touches the bell hanging from the door, we take her outside to complete her mission. This is rewarded with a fruit loop and lots of happy barking and biting.

2) I'm drinking alone. I don't need my lovely man to remind me of the importance of maintaining my heart health with an evening glass of red wine so I am going to continue to indulge in his absense. Besides I'm not really drinking alone...Grace is watching me.

3) I'm going to try to sleep in. Years of early mornings, menopause and motherhood have made sleeping in a distant memory. I've made it to 7 a.m. so far and have even indulged in a afternoon nap or two. Sleep feels good.

4) I'm having my coworkers over for a girls night. We're going to eat everything on the naughty list and wash it down with a bottle of wine. We may watch a chick flick and tell blonde man jokes until late night. Who needs sleep.

5) Grace is getting candy for desert every night and watching TV before bed. She hasn't needed insulin yet but has started talking like Dora the Explorer. It wouldn't be a party without chunky monkey, and since I can't eat the Easter candy, I am consolling myself with my favorite ice cream.

6) I've cleaned all the old lady clothes out of my closet. Next will be Tony's old fart sweaters. We have a 3 and 7 year old...getting old will have to come later. Refilling the closet comes later this week when I hit the mall.

7) The Mom-van is getting the spa treatment...a serious in and out cleaning of all things kids and grime related so that it no longer smells like a composter. Given that he is an ocean away and is almost powerless, I'm going to drive my man's Saab rocket for a few days. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission and its been too many years since I've had a speeding ticket.

When lovely man and junior partner arrive home this week, Grace and I will complain about how boring life has been without them and how unfair it is for us to stay home while they galavant around the universe. Maybe a dinner out and some jewellery or new shoes might ease the sting of being left behind...