Romantic Ramblings

"Lily still has a boyfriend and his name is Jack" whispers Grace. I pay attention because Grace only speaks when there is an important issue at hand. Grace has had a few male friends at daycare, but no one that she claims to want to marry. Lily on the other hand has managed to find herself attached since her early daycare years, trading the old model boyfriend in for a new one with each passing grade.

"He's not my boyfriend Mom, he plays hockey, I'm a swimmer." defends Lily. Ice and water apparently don't mix well and I'm just as happy that my almost 9 year old isn't taking the boy thing too seriously...yet. But I am paying attention because there are a whole lot of preteens walking home from school holding hands these days, and our OB clinic has had its share of grade 9 girls with a baby on the way.

I've come to accept that what I want the future to look like for my girls may not be compatible with their wishes, although I think they would be happy to have a relationship as strong and loving as Tony and I have. I don't know if bio kids are like this but our two little adopted girls brim over with laughter and glee when they see Tony and I hug or exchange kisses and I hope that the idea of a long loving relationship imprints on them so that they will choose well.

I was married for 3 years in my twenties, and knew almost immediately it could not work. It was a practical marriage that my parents approved of but lacking in emotional attachment. The tipping point for me was when I became friends with an older couple (in their fifties!) who had been married a long time, but who still held hands, had eyes only for each other, and seemed to enjoy each other 's company so much that it didn't matter who else was in the room. I had not witnessed many marriages like theirs, certainly had not experienced that it my own marriage and knew immediately that I had to set myself free to find the same kind of happiness.

I don't regret that first marriage because it taught me that I was allowed to make a mistake, and that I learned more from the tough times than the good times. I learned that choosing a spouse was the one selfish decision that I was entitled to and that next time around there would be no "shoulds" but only "wants" in my decision to marry. I want my girls to be selfish in their decision to marry, be passionate about their partner, and be willing to do some hard work to build a life with their love.

As Tony and I celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary, I realize that we have that relationship I witnessed in the older couple. We are completely different people from when we met, yet we see each other as unchanged and the passion remains. He's become more of a shrink, I've become more of a scientist. When times get rough, we hold on tight and it has been the tough times that have cemented our commitment to each other. We are a team. I chose well.

Happy Anniversary TP. I will love you forever...MP