Taxing Times

Dear Mom (the note said)
Can I please have a baby gerbill?
4 reasons:
I will share it with Grace
I will pay for it.
I will pay for its food.
I will clean its cage when she makes it dirty. If it doesn't work can I have my own hamster? (the same 4 reasons)
Love, Lily

The formal request for an addition to our family came during the week when Lily was riding high enjoying the privileges that an A on a math test delivers. Unfortunately, it was the same week that our accountant lost his left brain abilities and I had spent 40 hours reviewing two years of corporate financial records to prove that I hadn't spent all of our earnings on shoes. My body had decided that I must be dead, as I had not sat in one position for more than a day since birth, and I found myself barely able to move or function by the end of my accounting exercise. My sense of appetite and humour had disappeared around hour 2 and I was indulging in regular doses of Advil Cold and Sinus, Immodium and Preparation H.

Its my own darn fault that the kids are such animal lovers. Before we adopted Lil, we took hours of dog videos to show her on the computer when we were in China, just so that she wouldn't be frightened when they welcomed her home. (OMG we had too much time on our hands back then). She walked in the house and it was love at first sight. On the other hand, Grace had no advance warning or orientation to the animal life awaiting her and promptly began a scream fest that lasted 2 days whenever she spotted anything with four legs. Now of course, she is in charge of the zoo and fearlessly approaches any animal she comes into contact with.

"Lily, have you noticed that we cohabitate with a couple of schnauzers, otherwise known as ratters? It's not even summer yet and they've caught 2 squirrels and a bunny"
"Mom, I'll keep the gerbil in my bedroom, with the door shut. They'll never find it:"
"Our blind deaf poodle caught, plucked and sautéed Joe bird if you recall. You will come home to a schnauzer shaped hole in your bedroom door and a missing rodent friend"
"How about a hamster?"
"Same answer"
"Awwww, when can I get one?"
"When you get your own house without a schnauzer.
Aunti Cathy said we should get a rat...a nice one. Not like the one Bella caught in the backyard. They're really smart and they eat goldfish and give hugs.
Thank you Aunti Cathy, but not a chance in hell.. How were you going to pay for all of this anyway?" I reviewed her letter.
"Oh, you're going to give me the money" she explained.
Now that's creative accounting.