The Crime Report

A couple of weeks ago as I sat in our office parking lot awaiting an opening to pull out a very strange thing happened. A less- than -a -shower a day individual rode by on his bike which had been heavily reinforced with duct tape while balancing an open bottle of wine in one hand and not quite balancing his bike with the other. As he negotiated past, he clipped my front license plate causing the bike and wine bottle to fall. After swinging my plate and the empty bottle at me, he remounted his fine vehicle and careened down the middle of the busy road. After filing a police report and repairing my vehicle, I discovered from our building manager that this bicyclist makes of living collecting license plates and files complaints against motorists who have allegedly gotten in the way of his travel. Inventive. Seems like a waste of wine.

Last weekend Tony went into the garage to get his new bike (father's day gift) and finds it missing with the helmet left neatly in the middle of the garage floor. Upon investigation, we discover that the thief has broken down our garden gate to gain entry but then carefully wrapped it up with wire supposedly so the dogs wouldn't escape or follow him home. Oh well, probably a kid who needs a bike and a dog lover too so all is forgiven. Can't be anyone too bright because he left the helmet behind.

Friday morning we arrive home to evidence that someone has attempted to break into our front door with a screwdriver...bent the frame, chipped my new door. I call the boys in blue again who shake their head in wonder of the intelligence of someone who would try to break into the front door of a house, on a main route, on a sunny morning. Bella and the puppy likely foiled the robbery given that their combined singing voices are as loud as any house alarm. Forensics comes the finds a perfect set of fingerprints on our door jam. "I don't think he's too bright" I comment hoping the finger prints don't match with my husbands. "Criminals usually aren't" he replies "but this is the nicest set of fingerprints I've ever taken from a crime scene. We'll call you when he catch him."

I begin to imagine ways to deal with the thief-in-training if he returns. A skunk to guard the front door, off-label use of my new chain saw perhaps. "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight" the police officer reads my mind and gives me the number for a local security company who will visit this week.

For now I am relying on extra door locks, reinforced gates, night lights, neighbourhood awareness and a couple of schnauzers to keep our home secure. I suspect that our perp is a young thief in training but I am less angry than sad for him or her, that criminal behaviour along with its lifelong consequences is the road chosen.

So here is the deal young person. Keep the bike. Get a helmet...you need to protect that brain of yours. Drive it to work interviews, a paper route, anything that will help you contribute to the greater good. I can replace a bike. Self-respect and a clean record are irreplaceable. And yes, the puppy does bite and the skunk has a bad temper.